Standards vs Preferences | Dr Dharius Daniels | Sermon Notes — Hello Pastor

Sermon Notes

Standards vs Preferences

Dr Dharius Daniels

Oct 31, 2022 • 13 min

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Take this message with you through a journey of Scripture, reflection, and prayer.

Summary

In this message, Dr. Dharius Daniels highlights the essential role that relationships play in determining our overall quality of life. He clarifies the crucial difference between standards—our non-negotiable floor—and preferences, which are aspirational desires. Believers are encouraged to be honest about their genuine needs and standards so they do not settle, force unhealthy dynamic, or allow outside opinions to dictate their relational choices.

Themes

RelationshipsWisdomStandards and PreferencesQuality of LifePersonal Accountability

Key Points

1.
There is a fundamental difference between standard of living and quality of life, and quality of life is heavily driven by relationships.
2.
Scripture teaches in Proverbs 13:20 that association produces assimilation—who you walk with determines who you become.
3.
Your standards are not your ceiling or your goals; they represent your floor and your non-negotiables.
4.
Many people fail to reach their life goals not because their goals are too high, but because their standards are set too low.
5.
Preferences are aspirational qualities that are great to have in a partner but are not ultimate deal-breakers.
6.
A frequent relationship pitfall occurs when people treat true standards as mere preferences because they fear being perceived as shallow.
7.
Attempting to force authentic affection or stay with someone you do not truly like creates unnecessary, chronic struggle.
8.
Because you alone must live with the consequences of your relational choices, you must take personal responsibility for setting your standards.

Sermon Moments

“You can't get life right getting relationships wrong.”

“There's a difference between a standard of living and a quality of life.”

“At the end of life, people rarely ask for things—they always ask for people.”

“Association produces assimilation; you become like who you walk with.”

“Your standards aren't your ceiling; your standards are your floor.”

“Part of the reason some of us aren't reaching our goals isn't because our goals are too high, but because our standards are too low.”

“If it's a standard for you, don't let anyone make you feel shallow for having it.”

“Relationship management isn't just relationship management—relationship management is life management.”

This Week

Take time to write out your non-negotiables (standards) versus your desired traits (preferences) in relationships.

Evaluate your current close friendships and romantic interests to see if they align with where God is leading you.

Reflect on Proverbs 13:20 and consider if your closest associations are helping you grow wise or pulling you backward.

Stop allowing external voices or public opinion to pressure you into accepting less than your true standards.

Be honest with yourself about whether you genuinely like and connect with the people you choose to spend your life with.

Raise your personal floor by refusing to tolerate behaviors or traits that compromise your peace and spiritual well-being.

Pray for spiritual discernment and wisdom before entering into or escalating any romantic relationship.

Remember This

Your standards represent the non-negotiable floor of what you will accept, and because you live with the consequences of your choices, you must be honest about what you truly need in relationships.

A Challenge for You

Don't allow anyone else to determine what your standards and preferences should be, because no one has to live with the consequences of your relational choices except you.

These are personal sermon notes shared to help you remember the message — not a replacement for Scripture, your church, or your pastors.